Post #1- Global Warming & Carpooling

Global Warming & Carpooling.
Did you know that the average person spends THIRTEEN years of their life commuting to work?

So strange isn't it? Even the meaning of carpool doesn't add up. Cars--> great, pools--> Awesome! Carpools--> total crap. You are with your co-workers 8-10 hours a day, why on earth would you wanna spend an extra thirteen years with them?! Why would you want to wake up earlier only to sit in a parking lot and wait for the guy who's ALWAYS running late. You know the guy, there's always a new excuse "Sorry I'm late guys, but you won't believe what happened..." (insert B.S. story here). Why is it that you always seem to be the one stuck with the weirdos in your carpool? All the attractive people are riding together in a Bentley and you're crammed in the back seat of a Prius next to the obese man wearing way too much aftershave. Don't bother buckling. You're wedged in there so tight it'll take a 7-man team to pry you out when you finally get to the office. Then there's the guy who asks you to turn the radio down so he can catch a little 'shut eye' before work. You don't need the radio off to shut your eyes buddy, I know, I've tried. We'll all sit in awkward silence so you can catch some Z's before work. No problem. You've also go the guy who nervously checks all blind spots and gives you the OK whenever you attempt a lane change. And he always says it like you've got a 3 second gap before your car explodes. "YOU'RE CLEAR! MERGE! MERGE! MERGE!"  I'm not driving an 18-wheeler, buddy. I can see where I'm going. My favorite is the automated sign reader sitting quietly in the back seat. You often forget they're even in the car until you hear them say; "The speed limits 65mph here,"  "This is a school zone,"  "Our exit's coming up." Thank you Mr. Obvious.

The perks of driving alone FAR outweigh the perks of carpooling. For example: You can listen to whatever you want as loud as you want, you can speed, you can pass gas, you can dance like a robot (my brother and I got pretty good at this), you can take a different route and you can go wherever you want after work!

Now I know some of you are saying "But Brandon, you can't use the carpool lane if you're alone." Actually, You can. You just can't get caught. I suggest going to your local barber college and asking for an old mannequin head used for practicing hair cuts. Put it on a stick, throw a baseball cap on it (Yankees or Red Sox seem to be the teams of choice here in Utah) and PRESTO! You've got a passenger! The key is not looking suspicious. I found out during the follies of youth that whenever you're doing something you're not supposed to, as long as you show confidence and avoid looking suspicious people won't question you. You can get away with almost anything! So if you pass a highway patrol officer don't change lanes quickly. You ride that carpool lane like you own it and wave to him.

If we all drive separate I'm convinced that everyone will be happier as a whole. Sure the air quality might worsen a little bit, but it will also cause the globe to warm which means an early summer!

This concludes the 1st Global Warming  post. Go and drive my friends! Drive all alone! I'll see you next Friday for another Global Warming topic!