Welcome back everyone. I hope you had a great week avoiding carpooling and enjoyed driving yourself around at your own leisure. See, don't you feel better? As I mentioned last week It's been brought to my attention that some of aren't doing your part to help warm the globe up so I've started a weekly column which discusses at length, a topic related to global warming in which I explain why you should or shouldn't do it. Once again, I give credit to my friend Jordan Hansen who's weekly 'Friendly Non-Threatening Driving Advice' column has forever changed my life.
This week we're going to take a look at a fad associated with global warming that's become more trendy than Lance Armstrong's Livestrong bands AND Scientology combined. So without any further ado...
Global Warming and Recycling.
Did you know the average person spends THREE years of their life sorting through garbage trying to decide what they can recycle?
Think about it, if recycling were really that important landfills would pay hobos (who are already there scavenging, mind you) to separate the garbage from recyclable goods. It would create jobs for hobo's AND would save us time because we could throw all our stuff out and let them deal with it. Everybody wins.
The main problem with recycling is that it's WAY too complicated. There's too many things you've gotta take into consideration. For example, in my neighborhood you can recycle a cereal box but not a pizza box, a newspaper but not a napkin, a cell phone but not a plastic bag (http://www.loganutah.org/Enviromental%20Dept/Recycling/index.cfm). Also, you can only recycle plastic with a recycle symbol #1 - # 7. Woah! Hold on just a second recycle Nazi's. Since when did this become a Where's Waldo book? I don't have time to hunt for numbers and symbols on my garbage. Why don't we require homes to have a chemistry set while we're at it? That way people can test their plastics and see if it meets the strict recycle requirements. What if you're throwing something away that's a combination of recyclable and non-recyclable, say a cardboard donut box with a plastic top? If you think I'm going to take the time to rip the box apart and remove the plastic, you're wrong. It's garbage thus, It's all going in the garbage. Out of sight, out of mind right? By doing so I just added THREE years to my life with which I can do whatever I please.
Another problem with recycling: It requires a lot of effort while giving nothing in return. Glass and other non-recyclable plastics aren't picked up at the curb. That means you have to store them somewhere in your house and take them to your local drop off point. No thanks. You're talking to the kid who will drive 10 minutes to the Little Caesars with a drive-thru window rather than the one two minutes away without a drive-thru. A few years ago it got to the point that my roommates and I were even too lazy to carry our garbage down two flights of stairs and across the parking lot to the dumpster. Instead we'd stand on our balcony and swing full garbage bags up and onto the roof. Outta sight, outta mind. This made giving directions to our apartment very easy. "Just look for the house with hundreds of noisy seagulls circling it." Nowadays we have a recycling bin outside but it hasn't been picked up for a couple weeks now. Probably because it contains some minuscule thing that can't be recycled.
You should be aware of subconscious promotions for recycling too. For example: Look on your computer desktop. See that little icon in the bottom called the recycle bin? I don't. I renamed mine the trash can. Why you ask? because when I empty it I don't want any of those files. They're not really being recycled, they're being deleted. Not broken down and reused. Deleted.
I'm convinced everyone will be better off if we stop recycling. Lets quit now and spend those THREE years sightseeing or going on vacation together! Sure, putting an end to recycling might cause the globe to warm a little bit but hey, that just means an early summer!
So go and throw everything away my friends! Get rid of that ugly recycling bin clogging your driveway! I'll see you next Friday for another Global Warming topic!
This week we're going to take a look at a fad associated with global warming that's become more trendy than Lance Armstrong's Livestrong bands AND Scientology combined. So without any further ado...
Global Warming and Recycling.
Did you know the average person spends THREE years of their life sorting through garbage trying to decide what they can recycle?
Think about it, if recycling were really that important landfills would pay hobos (who are already there scavenging, mind you) to separate the garbage from recyclable goods. It would create jobs for hobo's AND would save us time because we could throw all our stuff out and let them deal with it. Everybody wins.
The main problem with recycling is that it's WAY too complicated. There's too many things you've gotta take into consideration. For example, in my neighborhood you can recycle a cereal box but not a pizza box, a newspaper but not a napkin, a cell phone but not a plastic bag (http://www.loganutah.org/Enviromental%20Dept/Recycling/index.cfm). Also, you can only recycle plastic with a recycle symbol #1 - # 7. Woah! Hold on just a second recycle Nazi's. Since when did this become a Where's Waldo book? I don't have time to hunt for numbers and symbols on my garbage. Why don't we require homes to have a chemistry set while we're at it? That way people can test their plastics and see if it meets the strict recycle requirements. What if you're throwing something away that's a combination of recyclable and non-recyclable, say a cardboard donut box with a plastic top? If you think I'm going to take the time to rip the box apart and remove the plastic, you're wrong. It's garbage thus, It's all going in the garbage. Out of sight, out of mind right? By doing so I just added THREE years to my life with which I can do whatever I please.
Another problem with recycling: It requires a lot of effort while giving nothing in return. Glass and other non-recyclable plastics aren't picked up at the curb. That means you have to store them somewhere in your house and take them to your local drop off point. No thanks. You're talking to the kid who will drive 10 minutes to the Little Caesars with a drive-thru window rather than the one two minutes away without a drive-thru. A few years ago it got to the point that my roommates and I were even too lazy to carry our garbage down two flights of stairs and across the parking lot to the dumpster. Instead we'd stand on our balcony and swing full garbage bags up and onto the roof. Outta sight, outta mind. This made giving directions to our apartment very easy. "Just look for the house with hundreds of noisy seagulls circling it." Nowadays we have a recycling bin outside but it hasn't been picked up for a couple weeks now. Probably because it contains some minuscule thing that can't be recycled.
You should be aware of subconscious promotions for recycling too. For example: Look on your computer desktop. See that little icon in the bottom called the recycle bin? I don't. I renamed mine the trash can. Why you ask? because when I empty it I don't want any of those files. They're not really being recycled, they're being deleted. Not broken down and reused. Deleted.
I'm convinced everyone will be better off if we stop recycling. Lets quit now and spend those THREE years sightseeing or going on vacation together! Sure, putting an end to recycling might cause the globe to warm a little bit but hey, that just means an early summer!
So go and throw everything away my friends! Get rid of that ugly recycling bin clogging your driveway! I'll see you next Friday for another Global Warming topic!
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