Welcome back everyone. Hmm... Your wallet looks a little thicker this week. I see you've stopped buying those silly reusable grocery bags and are cashing in on the free plastic ones. Good for you. Any ideas where we can vacation together with the wads of money we're saving?
Today's topic has been in practice by many of the 'cool kids' for years now. No, we're not talking about the return of ugly bright neon colors from the 80's. It's much worse than that. Today's topic is a serious one. It has many of our ancestors rolling in their graves asking themselves what we're doing. Today we're talking about going green. So without further ado...
Global Warming and Going Green
Did you know people who change habits/ lifestyles (go green) in hopes of bettering the environment die an average of EIGHT years before those who avoid the green bandwagon?
Going Green. You've heard it hundreds of times. But what does it really mean? For starters, it's called 'going green' because if they called it by it's real name, 'living like pioneers', nobody would go for it. I've foraged the internet for the most popular Green tips and today we'll unmask them for the painstaking, time consuming waste they really are.
Tip #1- Hang Clothes Outside to Dry - "Get a cloths line or rack to dry your cloths. Your cloths will last longer and you will save money." This only works in a perfectly warm world. The problem is some people haven't hopped aboard the global warming bus, thus slowing down the warming process. I couldn't hang my clothes outside to dry because it's always wet here. Cache Valley has 3 seasons: Summer: June-August, Fall: September-October and Winter: November-May. My clothes would be wet 9 months out of the year if I left them outside to dry. Our ancestors didn't spend all their time and money inventing the dryer so we could live like apes and leave our stuff outside to dry.
Tip #2- Shorten Your Shower - "Every minute you cut from your shower is roughly 5 gallons of water. The less time your shower takes, the lower your impact on the environment." We're worried about five gallons? Five gallons on a planet that's over 70% water? I love my long showers. It's my one time where I don't have to rush. The only time I would rush to finish a shower would be in prison. Rush or be rushed if ya know what I mean. Our ancestors would have given their best corn husk doll for a hot shower. I'm honoring their legacy by showering longer than necessary.
Tip #3- Don't Pre-Heat the Oven - "Unless needed, just turn the oven on after you put the dish in it. Also, to see if it's finished just look through the glass instead of opening it." When was the last time you cooked something and the directions said 'pre-heat the oven if you feel like it'? That's ridiculous. And as far as looking through the glass to see if your foods cooked, I'm not a chef. I can't tell if it's cooked when I DO open the oven. Trying to decide without opening the oven is a recipe for disaster (pun intended).
Tip #4- Use Matches Instead of Lighters - "Lighters are usually considered disposable so they will most likely end up in land fills. You can use the cardboard matches which are much more eco-friendly because they are made of recycled material." I'm not a smoker, but if I was I wouldn't carry around a box of strike anywhere matches. A lighter is 100 TIMES easier and more convenient than a box of matches. Why would you torture yourself lugging around a box of matches? If I saw someone walking down the street with a box of matches I'd assume they were some sort of arsonist. Once again, our ancestors would have given up their best OX for a lighter.
Tip #5- Reduce Meat Intake- "Meat is really a luxury and something we may forget is that an animal died to provide it. By reducing meat intake in our own homes, it helps lessen our environmental impact and goes some way to acknowledging the sacrifice." Meat is a luxury? I'm sorry, but meat is my God given right. Wendy's Baconator is the sole reason I salute the flag at sporting events. They're right, many people do forget that an animal died to provide that burger. But the writer is forgetting something else too; that animal was raised for the sole purpose of one day being eaten. It's not like we ripped it out of its home, separated it from its family, forced it to live on a farm then one day cooked it up at a BBQ. You're thinking of what the Nazi did to the Jews. What sacrifice am I to be acknowledging by eating less meat? How about the sacrifice of our ancestors who couldn't roll up to the drive through window in their air conditioned car and order a Baconator? I owe it to them to eat there often.
Tip #6- Avoid Clothing Made From 100% Cotton- "The cotton industry clothes us at a huge cost to the environment. Pesticide and herbicides are used in astronomical levels, as is water and land." I just looked in my closet and picked out my ten favorite shirts. All ten of them are 100% cotton (one of them being my D-Will jersey. RIP D-Will). Maybe we should just start making our own clothes out of trash bags and yard clippings. I'm going to wear my comfortable cotton clothes and not feel bad about it in the slightest. It's what my ancestors would want. Anyone who worries about the pesticides used to grow the cotton that now cloths them are nothing more than crazy germophobes that deserve to be sent to a remote planet without an atmosphere.
There are many more tips online that I'd like to breakdown for you but unfortunately we don't have the time. Your homework this week: Treat yourself like a king/ queen. You deserve it. Make your ancestors proud by doing whatever you want to do without any thought of the environment. You'll feel better about yourself and when the environment does fall apart it will finally be warm enough to dry our clothes outside. Permanent summer. That's the end goal here folks.
Thanks again for reading guys. If you've got a topic you'd like me to discuss or a going green tip you'd like to break down and analyze drop me a line and you could be featured in an upcoming column!
Today's topic has been in practice by many of the 'cool kids' for years now. No, we're not talking about the return of ugly bright neon colors from the 80's. It's much worse than that. Today's topic is a serious one. It has many of our ancestors rolling in their graves asking themselves what we're doing. Today we're talking about going green. So without further ado...
Global Warming and Going Green
Did you know people who change habits/ lifestyles (go green) in hopes of bettering the environment die an average of EIGHT years before those who avoid the green bandwagon?
Going Green. You've heard it hundreds of times. But what does it really mean? For starters, it's called 'going green' because if they called it by it's real name, 'living like pioneers', nobody would go for it. I've foraged the internet for the most popular Green tips and today we'll unmask them for the painstaking, time consuming waste they really are.
Tip #1- Hang Clothes Outside to Dry - "Get a cloths line or rack to dry your cloths. Your cloths will last longer and you will save money." This only works in a perfectly warm world. The problem is some people haven't hopped aboard the global warming bus, thus slowing down the warming process. I couldn't hang my clothes outside to dry because it's always wet here. Cache Valley has 3 seasons: Summer: June-August, Fall: September-October and Winter: November-May. My clothes would be wet 9 months out of the year if I left them outside to dry. Our ancestors didn't spend all their time and money inventing the dryer so we could live like apes and leave our stuff outside to dry.
Tip #2- Shorten Your Shower - "Every minute you cut from your shower is roughly 5 gallons of water. The less time your shower takes, the lower your impact on the environment." We're worried about five gallons? Five gallons on a planet that's over 70% water? I love my long showers. It's my one time where I don't have to rush. The only time I would rush to finish a shower would be in prison. Rush or be rushed if ya know what I mean. Our ancestors would have given their best corn husk doll for a hot shower. I'm honoring their legacy by showering longer than necessary.
Tip #3- Don't Pre-Heat the Oven - "Unless needed, just turn the oven on after you put the dish in it. Also, to see if it's finished just look through the glass instead of opening it." When was the last time you cooked something and the directions said 'pre-heat the oven if you feel like it'? That's ridiculous. And as far as looking through the glass to see if your foods cooked, I'm not a chef. I can't tell if it's cooked when I DO open the oven. Trying to decide without opening the oven is a recipe for disaster (pun intended).
Tip #4- Use Matches Instead of Lighters - "Lighters are usually considered disposable so they will most likely end up in land fills. You can use the cardboard matches which are much more eco-friendly because they are made of recycled material." I'm not a smoker, but if I was I wouldn't carry around a box of strike anywhere matches. A lighter is 100 TIMES easier and more convenient than a box of matches. Why would you torture yourself lugging around a box of matches? If I saw someone walking down the street with a box of matches I'd assume they were some sort of arsonist. Once again, our ancestors would have given up their best OX for a lighter.
Tip #5- Reduce Meat Intake- "Meat is really a luxury and something we may forget is that an animal died to provide it. By reducing meat intake in our own homes, it helps lessen our environmental impact and goes some way to acknowledging the sacrifice." Meat is a luxury? I'm sorry, but meat is my God given right. Wendy's Baconator is the sole reason I salute the flag at sporting events. They're right, many people do forget that an animal died to provide that burger. But the writer is forgetting something else too; that animal was raised for the sole purpose of one day being eaten. It's not like we ripped it out of its home, separated it from its family, forced it to live on a farm then one day cooked it up at a BBQ. You're thinking of what the Nazi did to the Jews. What sacrifice am I to be acknowledging by eating less meat? How about the sacrifice of our ancestors who couldn't roll up to the drive through window in their air conditioned car and order a Baconator? I owe it to them to eat there often.
Tip #6- Avoid Clothing Made From 100% Cotton- "The cotton industry clothes us at a huge cost to the environment. Pesticide and herbicides are used in astronomical levels, as is water and land." I just looked in my closet and picked out my ten favorite shirts. All ten of them are 100% cotton (one of them being my D-Will jersey. RIP D-Will). Maybe we should just start making our own clothes out of trash bags and yard clippings. I'm going to wear my comfortable cotton clothes and not feel bad about it in the slightest. It's what my ancestors would want. Anyone who worries about the pesticides used to grow the cotton that now cloths them are nothing more than crazy germophobes that deserve to be sent to a remote planet without an atmosphere.
There are many more tips online that I'd like to breakdown for you but unfortunately we don't have the time. Your homework this week: Treat yourself like a king/ queen. You deserve it. Make your ancestors proud by doing whatever you want to do without any thought of the environment. You'll feel better about yourself and when the environment does fall apart it will finally be warm enough to dry our clothes outside. Permanent summer. That's the end goal here folks.
Thanks again for reading guys. If you've got a topic you'd like me to discuss or a going green tip you'd like to break down and analyze drop me a line and you could be featured in an upcoming column!
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