Post #6 Global Warming and Big ol' 4X4 Vehicles

Welcome back everyone! I hope you had a great time making the biggest carbon footprints you possibly could. I have to start with a funny story: A fellow global warming activist started following me on Twitter this week. The only problem was he's an activist for the OTHER side. That's right, he was one of these green freaks that washes and reuses plastic grocery bags. Needless to say, after he read my blog and knew what I was all about he QUICKLY removed himself as one of my Twitter followers. No love lost here.

I'm in Moab this weekend and don't have time to go in depth with the global warming so we're going to keep it short and sweet. That doesn't mean we're skimping out on the quality, just the quantity. Hold on to your butts cause here we go.. Without further ado I bring you...

Global Warming and Big ol' 4X4 Vehicles
There's nothing like spring break in Moab Utah. Sure they've got their fair share of fairies down here. Ya know, the granola's driving their Subaru Outback covered in 'Save the Trees' stickers. But opposite the granola fairies there's another monster down here. That monster is, well, monster trucks. That's right, huge lifted trucks and jeeps. You see, Moab is pretty much one gigantic rock for people to play on in their 4X4 vehicles.

Now I'm not a fan of redneck hillbillies who drive their huge black-exhaust pumping trucks in town, wearing cowboy hats while Eminem blares from their crappy Walmart-installed stereo systems (I've never understood that). The exhaust doesn't bother me because hey, it's a key element in the warming of our globe. I'm mostly bothered by their lack of self identity. Are you a cowboy? Farmer? Gangster? Either way nobody thinks you're cool out there on main street looking for a good ol' drag race. The lifted trucks and jeeps down here that fearlessly climbing the rocky hillsides on the other hand are pretty awesome.

I'm going to tell you about two people I've seen here in Moab this weekend and you tell me who the real winner is:

• The guy who was literally driving up the side of a mountain, rocks spiting out from under his tires, raining down like a Hells hailstorm while the gathered crowd roars in excitement?

-OR-

• The guy bragging to the gas station attendant about getting 51 miles per gallon on the freeway in his hybrid Toyota Prius?

Now I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings if you're unfortunate enough to be driving one of the vehicles mentioned today so I'll leave it at this:

What does the word Jeep mean? One popular notion has it that the vehicle bore the designation "GP" (for "General Purpose"), which was phonetically slurred into the word jeep. Jeeps are definitely general purpose. You can use them for anything. City driving OR climbing the side of a mountain.

What does the word Prius mean? Prius is the combination of two words, "pre" and "us." Here's an example: Guy meets girl. Guy asks girl on a date. That date leads to another date. Things start to get serious. Girl says to guy: "Before you and I become an "us" you need to get rid of that Prius and buy a real mans vehicle.

The Prius is just that, a pre-us vehicle. Have you ever seen a Prius climb the side of a mountain? No. Have you ever seen anyone do a double take when a Prius drives by? No. Sell it and buy a jeep. Then you wont have to spend your time chatting up underage Maverick employees, trying to justify your constant single state with your great gas mileage.

Sure the gas mileage might be terrible in a lifted truck or jeep. But it's worth it and you CAN afford it. Remember all the money you're saving now that you're not buying reusable shopping bags? There you go. Who care's if huge vehicles pollute the earth? That only means a warmer globe and an early summer. I've said it before and I'm going to say it again; that's the end goal here, folks.