Welcome back everyone! Did anyone buy a Jeep this week? I’ll be expecting a free ride if you did. Spring break has come and gone. Some of you might not have had a break but I think it’s safe to say we’re all looking forward to spring.
This weeks topic ties in perfectly with some of our current events. I hope you’re ready for this week’s madness because without further ado I bring you…
Global Warming and the Terrible Effects of Camping.
Its official, March madness is finally underway. But the NCAA basketball tournament isn’t the only madness going on right now. Oh no, there’s a madness that’s much more mad than throwing a silly ball in a hoop. Today’s topic was inspired by an online newspaper article I read a couple days ago. The article is so foolish that I’m not even going to list the name of the paper. They’ve suffered enough damage; they don’t need me spreading their green filth.
The article I speak of was an advice column instructing readers on ways they can fight global warming this summer, in which the author proposed a strategy to reduce CO2 emissions by banning camp fires because they involve the open combustion of wood.
Needless to say when I read this I was in shock. I just don’t get these global warming activists. I would have thought that camping would be one of the best things you could do for the environment! If you read post #4 you’d think I was describing a camper. When you’re camping you have no choice but to hang your clothes out to dry, there’s no showers in the woods (only river baths), there are no ovens to preheat and you wear the same clothes for multiple days, eliminating wasted water and electricity used on doing laundry.
I’m convinced these people aren’t worried about global warming. They’re simply anti-happiness. Have they ever been camping?! You HAVE to have a campfire. It's one of the basic fundamentals of camping. Without a fire you're merely surviving in the woods. Not once have I been to a campfire and thought; “Boy It’s hard to enjoy these golden-brown roasted marshmallows knowing how much damage this fires doing to the environment.” If you’ve ever thought this you’re dumber than the wood that’s burning in the fire.
I’ve compiled a list of other things we should eliminate if we’re worried about damaging the environment:
1. Ban the use of charcoal- It’s just as damaging as wood.
2. Ban all BBQ’s- IF your neighbors are outside grilling report them to the police immediately.
3. Ban driving in the mountains- Car exhaust is terrible for the outdoors. If you want to camp that bad you can hike through the canyon.
4. Ban folding camp chairs- Their metal frames aren't biodegradable and the fabric comes from 100% cotton. Both of which goes against the green team. It's not going to kill you to stand your entire camping trip.
5. Ban flashlights- Flashlights require batteries. Batteries which contain dangerous chemicals and acids that could kill plants and animals shoud they fall out of your flashlight, hit a rock, crack open and leak out.
6. Ban tents- Tents SMASH the ground and kill important plants and soils below them. If you're gong to sleep in the woods learn to sleep standing up.
7. Ban cooking hot dogs over a campfire- 90% of people who cook hot dogs over the fire break off a tree branch to cook their hot dog with. This is KILLING the environment.
8. Ban bug repellent- Ahem, aerosol cans? They're terrible for the environment. Not to mention all the chemicals in bug repellent is harmful for plants and animals alike. The over spray does a great deal of damage to poor mother nature. If you really want to go camping accept the fact that you're going to be eaten alive by bugs.
Are you starting to get the drift? I'd bet a milkshake that these carbon footprint obsessed greenies haven't spent a night in the woods. If you're at a campfire this spring/summer and start to feel bad about the damage you're doing to the environment I want you to think back to this post and smile. Kick back in your folding chair, throw another marshmallow on your broken tree branch and give a mental middle finger to all the green Nazis.
* Camping holds a special place in my heart. I've had some pretty epic camping trips in my lifetime. I try to go every weekend I can in the summertime. I think that next week I'm going to tell you how to have the perfect camping trip. It will coincide with the global warming because nearly everything I do in the woods would make the green Nazis cringe. If you have any favorite camping traditions you'd like me to include in the article be sure to post them here!
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